My Guru's Grace

in my Guru's grace
there is no reason to escape

for i am at one


settled
in even
this most physical
form.

Crash Course With Divinity

God...
what a beautiful word

not outside
but intrinsic in every fiber of my Being

can i feel this Love?
can i serve You, God —
Love?
in every moment?

shhhh... i hear You calling

through breath
through thought
through action —

life is energy
Life is You
Life is me
God is me
and Me
and me

again...

my Silence:

like a roller coaster
feeding into the mouth of Truth

a soul on a crash course with divinity

i bring it all down to God

and
as
i
go

discovering
i am

Infinite.

onto Me

this unfathomable surrender
this deep and utter yearing
to
Be
whole

each moment
back
back
back
back onto Self

harder, Love
i hope to break!

take me back

back
back
back

onto Me

my heart
my whole


when i am lost
come find Me here:

a gentle yearing

a pulling back

no words
can
describe.

Ah, mind...

ah, mind...

even the fly
dancing across the window pane
needs Love's hand
to open the door
and
set
him
free.

The Bowl of Self

i lean back
on the bowl of Self

and in this submergence
i am

re-
created.

Devoured by the Mouth

i let life crash
onto
my
chest

i let it hit so hard
that nothing else
can remain

every thought
impulse

desire

i feed it to

G
o
d

then listen
as i hear my Voice
say...

"ummm. delicious."


this infinity is me

the more i give to it
the more i become the churning
self-sustaining
motionless comotion
that is

Creation.

i love God
for that is all

i
can
see

the pieces
mold
into
One

as the wounds are fed

devoured by the mouth

of
the
divine.

Unravel

new found maturity...

deep expansion...

a silence...

allowing all of me

to

unravel...

Sitting Down Inside

i have sat down
Inside :

a giant elephant

gliding

across

my most transcendental

form...

Wiped Clean

break me

break me into a million pieces

break me until i am dust

break me until i am soot
break me until i am nothing,
moving —
below Love's dancing feet

(i feel your toes)

up
down
left
right

it is the gripping that keeps
life
from
moving

like nails on a chalkboard
the ego screams
when i ask
for the slate
to be wiped
clean.

Gap?

can i be
swallowed

by

You

Love?


please...?

You split the sea inside my heart

and there is quite a gap there

turning: two walls of light
moving in Your direction

my chest has become a playground
of Your love

a hand
deep inside my chest
spinning

Your hand
deep inside my chest
churning

My soul
deep inside Yours
aching
to
be
one



Union...

is this inevitable?

make it now, Love

Yes...
make my Love

now —



Presence says:

I am

already
here.

where
to
go?


I say:
maybe widen the gap,

and I will

fall

in

Y
o
u

forever...

My Soul's Horizon

a silence beyond emotion

so still...

the wind blowing through my hair:
a display of You,
touching my face, in form

shhhh....
and then it is gone.

how can fear sustain,
when no outcome but You exits?

no matter the failings
the ending ups
if i have You
if i have become You
Your consciousness
there is no other endgame

this is the purpose of creation

all other desires wane
as the dawn of God-realization
ascends
over my soul's
horizon

For Ganesha

oh love!
should I call you God?
should I call you Self?
should I call you... Me?

should I call you...
always?

you come like a wave of love
fluttering through the karmic fields
of sparkling light

and with one hand
You take it all

transforming
my mind
transforming
my heart
transforming
my being — into Me...


Om Gann Ganapataye Namah
Om Gann Ganapataye Namah

what more could I ask, for I could not ask for anything
but You —

my sweet love
take my whole Self as a gesture of my devotion
my heart overflows with this bliss for
you have seated yourself in my heart
and my body moves like liquid in your arms

take my life
take my soul
take my heart

for i am yours
forever
and eternal

you are the light which gives my life meaning
you are the guiding force which birthed my intuition

I love you Being
I love you God
I love you my darling dancing elephant

the sweetest form
in which Love
appears to me...

I love God

what is
this Love?


sweet
soft
reverberations

calling me home...
calling my soul...
calling and calling
God's benevolent name

i dance in Your light,
in full,
and can no longer contain this love —

for God, my love!
everything for You,
yes!
for God,
love!
yes — love!

i love you God!
yes, only You, Beloved!

for You are me
and i cannot contain myself


for i am that container

which is eternally

overflowing

It's inconceivable!

a combustion of life force
flows through
my mind

my heart —
feeding the flames of
Self-love

devotion —
fueling the ever-present awareness
reverberating
like a deluge of light
falling on the river of my Being

drop after sacred drop
the hum of His voice
twirling withing me

YES, Love
i am here, always!

let me know how to move
and i will follow with my head bowed so deep in devotion
that i will only see Your shoe-laces
or Your sun-colored painted toes
as You walk by

and,
as a gesture of humility,
i swear,
I will remain with my eyes forever downcast
just looking at the dirt under my feet

i promise,
i will not even look up
ever

for all i see is You —

no matter if I am ever blessed with the privilege of glancing into
Your benefic eyes,
i shall always be satisfied

and yet, and yet
i lay before You with eyes so tightly shut
and all i see is Your face illumined,
a golden sun before me

so bright!

no matter how downcast these eyes are
You drop below me, again and again and again,

i simply cannot escape Your love

 — it is inconceivable!

and yet, and yet...
my mind whirls with thoughts of deep devotion

so sweet You feed me this way,
from the swirling flames
ever established
in
my heart.

So Damn Holy

today,
all of life became
so damn Holy

well,
shit

yes, that too...

even that...

Swallowed by Form

let me never be without You, Love

please, Love
let me never be swallowed
by this smallness of form

lost in the isolation of my mind
spinning like a top
thoughts of unimportance flying into empty space

here,
here,
here!

never again...

let me be still, Love
let me dive into my heart
and never return


"where did she go?"
they ask...

i am
no
where

and yet,
always here.

silence does this to you.

uninvolved
and motionless

melted into the pot of my soul,

i sit...

until, You
until You, Love

ask me
to
dance...

Blazing Sun

i sit before You, love

my Sun
burning through even the vastness
of empty space

like a ball of flames
i have become

my once insignificant nothingness
fades into the absolute abstraction
of delicious light

putty
dripping
on God's fingertips
 
simple...
simple...
simple...

remember...?

i am humbled by the depths of your heart
and you, love,
yours and mine

coming back home
to the nonsensical dream
of the every moment

peace...

i sit in Your love
i sit in You, love

i sit...
i sit until i stand once again...

for a blazing sun I have become
a ball of motionless, churning light

and how do I enjoy:
a thousand rays of nothingness
spreading out
across Your
empty space...

Not really, really Real

this ache you feel…

it is not real

this despair…

it is not real

in a sense it is real,

but in all sense

You are so far beyond it.

coming home is just that:

eternally awake, aware

pain slips from you as rain off a new car

it simply doesn’t take —

you are moving too fast…

or too slow…

or not moving at all —

it doesn’t matter

the physiology can no longer grip to what was never there

and You are here

ever awake

and always present

coming home is becoming established in this omnipresent reality

coming home is being God

it’s a big word

but in truth… You are so much bigger.

I hold it all

i lean back on these karmic fields

my body morphs,
moves,
liquifies

becoming transparent in a net woven of light

what fear is there in this?

a hiccup of grace

and all is born anew

new:
as love...
as You...
as You, Love...

yes.

what fear is there in this?
what fear is there in This?


nothing can touch me...

rather,
I hold it all.

like male pigeons...

how this love aches!
every cell in me expanded,
puffed up like male pigeons
during mating season
in springtime
trying to impress You while simultaneously stealing breadcrumbs from Your lunch —

i sit below hoping to be pummeled by a rainstorm of Your light
falling from Your lap of cosmic ecstatic proportions —
begging endlessly:
where is the sea!!!!!?

i sit...

and yet... and yet...
this form contains Me:
a vortex so concrete pulls every thought, emotions, and feeling
back and back
into the seeming-less endless cavern that is my heart!

i have infinity within Me
my head drops in humility
for the vastness of Your form
that resides just below... below...
 (not that low...)

and all my energy floods this expanding ocean...
and all that I ever wished for... simply fades away...


dear God, dear love...
has love become you yet?

dear Love, dear life...
have you become?

i love you...

has God become you, yet?

xoxo

The Hell?

what the hell is perfect, anyway?

is hell not perfect
in it's function
and form?

we spend much time moulding ourselves
in attempts to achieve such distinction —

but how can a mind mould
that which it cannot even touch?

begin by letting all concepts fly
from a swollen belly
once wrestling with confusion

only in this great escape
can grace flood
the vessel
that is form...

Running Around Creation

after a day with You
running around Creation
I ask to bathe in light
clearing me of all dissatisfaction...

You are here too, yes?
even the oil running from the streets sings with Your name...

and yet, and yet — when my silence is not fully fixed here
to see Your Love, to feel your Love
in the deluge that is form
it is not the same

so...
the days move
and I stay still

unbroken

I am with You, Love
I am with You

and yet
I have never been the same.

Beyond Fragmentation

will i break in love?

how can i contain the sheer force of this light?

a current —
pushing form
into infinite space

a movement —
its origin unknown
flowing from and to and all-encompassing Source within my heart

love for God is breaking me
and in this state of supreme fragmentation
the identity shifts
and i am Self
without form, at all

for to be shattered in love
is knowing—
becoming—
that which is beyond all
fragmentation...

Letting Go

the one whose knuckles where once clenched
white with fear —
releases...

love burns through me
like flames though silken window drapes,
blocking the sun

i can see a little clearer now...

fear has no place in my Love's chest
God holds me
reminding me
in faith... everything is taken care of.

Grace

I let the day unfold in Grace
for it is only through This
that I shall awaken...

no effort by my mind,
by my actions
by desire
could be force enough
to break my smallness


so i let this Grace whip through me
becoming transparent

as angles fly
through this newly found
form.

Open to Advice

this now...

this constantly emerging flow

existing omnipresently within the dynamics of my heart

this unaltered state of eternal nothingness
altered by the fluctuations of my most subtle form
constantly rises in me

asking me to be...
something...


what will I become today?

nothing whispers in my ear
listen —

shhhhh.... it is speaking

in the form of bubbling ecstasy

and with this
all i can say:

I find it is best
when I am open
to It's advice...